Chasing my dream

The other day, the boy surprised me before bedtime with a note he wrote for me on Facebook.

Many people were asking him that question because of the fact that i did not take my O's last year as I should have. In fact, when he turned the question to me, I just shrugged my shoulders and said "I also don't know" because at that point of time I really had no idea what I wanted to do with life.

Even a few months before the actual O levels, i realised that I didn't have a goal in life - I didn't know what i wanted to do in poly, I didn't know what goals I have, and what dream i wanted to chase. As a child, I have had many ambitions - you know there were always the typical lawyer or doctor: ones that earns you a high income. or the type that were models, singers, actress: ones that gave you fame and fortune - but seriously, how many of them were actually realistic goals?

Being vain was something that I was born with, and it didn't take me long to have the dream of being a dermatologist or fashion designer. However, I couldn't phantom the thought of injection something into someone's skin, nor could I draw, and quickly found myself back to square one - Ambition-less.

Many of my friends, B, and my family asked me to take my O's first and get it over with but i still ended up not going for it. I know i had disappointed them, but my attendance in school that year because of the lack of aims (and drifting further from my friends) was so bad I knew i would end up failing. B and I ended up getting into a really big fight but at the end of it, it was great to know that his stand was that he'd be there for me until i find something I want to do and pursue.


Then one day, I chanced upon CLEO's Next Top Beauty blogger's contest and showed it to B. He encouraged me to send in my entry and give it a try, and after drafting my very first review, I decided to send in my entry. Lucky for me, CLEO actually picked me to be one of the 10 finalists! This opened the door to me for beauty blogging. I never knew i could enjoying doing something like this so much. Research, taking pictures for the products, spending long hours penning down a blog post just for the purpose of reviewing a product, and making new friends who has the same interest as I do (because my circle of friends in school were never into stuffs like this). I felt like I've finally found my calling, something that i would really enjoy doing.

I would wake up early to prepare to go for product briefings, go down to CLEO's office by myself, and mingle with other bloggers while attending the briefings. It was actually something i really grew fond of. Even though I didn't win the contest, it has given me much more than i had expected it to. It opened my eyes to a whole new world of beauty blogging (something i really enjoy doing now) and it gives me a sense of achievement every time someone offers to sponsor me something to review, when my viewership hits a new high, and when i get invited to blogger events because it makes me feel like I'm achieving something (as little as it is) with what I ended up deciding to do, and something for everyone who was disappointed with me to be proud of - because I am chasing my dream and doing what I want to do. Sure it isn't as impressive as attending gymnastic competitions and winning medals and trophies, nor topping the level or your class for whatever subject you took for O's, but it's something I truly like doing and am proud of.


What B didn't understand was one thing: that he was the one supporting me and making it able for me to chase my dream. If he hadn't encourage me to take part in CLEO's Next Top Beauty Blogger, I wouldn't have gotten into beauty blogging and realised there was a whole new other industry out there. I wouldn't have taken part without him because my friends probably wouldn't have encouraged me as much (since we really do have very different personalities), and i was always doubting myself. He was the one who was bringing me and helping my find my ways to events (because i really suck at finding my own way), he was helping me proof read my reviews whenever i needed help, he was helping me take pictures for reviews when my hands were full/dirty and i couldn't take them myself, and he was the one who was always encouraging me to never give up and pursue what i wanted to do, and that he was happy for me because he saw how happy beauty blogging made me.
When my laptop was beginning to die on me, he bought a hard disk (and in pink too!) to share with me so i could back up all my files (mostly pictures i used for blogging). When I couldn't blog properly on my laptop, he would lend me his even if it was inconvenient for him or when he was using it (he would use my lousy laptop while he lent me his to carry on blogging). What this boy hasn't realised, was that he was the one that made it possible for my dream to be achieved.

Well Bibi, 60 years later down the road, I want to still be with you and in your arms while thinking back at my life, and hope that I've given even at least half of what you had given me, and have supported you through whatever decisions you made as well as you have supported me ♥.